


i know him (that can't be)

by mirkandmidnight



Series: if/then [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Gen, Pilots, Poe Dameron is a BAMF, Possibly Pre-Slash, Slash if you squint, The Force, which you should be squinting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 13:58:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5542496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirkandmidnight/pseuds/mirkandmidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe Dameron and Ben Solo, from age 14 to 26.</p><p>Based on this tumblr post</p><p>http://worldsgreatestnerd.tumblr.com/post/135876189943/pretentiousandfrench-worldsgreatestnerd</p>
            </blockquote>





	i know him (that can't be)

Poe Dameron at 14:

Back in the day, Ben Solo had always been a quiet kid. Whenever Poe Dameron came across him, (which was often, there were only so many places you could go in a place this small) he was sitting by himself in some completely abandoned hallway, reading ridiculously old books and muttering under his breath.

After four or five times of Poe ducking his head and quickly walking past (after all, Ben Solo was Leia Organa's kid, who knew what he might do), he came to a decision. There was no one else on the base his age, and he was getting unbelievably bored wandering around by himself.

So Poe went on a walk.

And felt very frustrated when, twenty minutes later, he had wandered through the entire base and not come across Ben Solo even once. Honestly, was this guy some sort of ghost? It seemed like whenever Poe had been trying to avoid him, he popped up. And now that he actually wanted to talk to the guy, he disappeared? Poe snorted and walked up to the nearest door, trying the handle.

Locked. Damn.

“What are you doing?” someone asked, and Poe jumped a good eight inches into the air. He turned around, ready to glare at whoever had startled him. And, shoot, it was Ben Solo, looking pale and drawn as he usually did.

Poe shoved his hands into his pockets and attempted to look nonchalant.

“Um, nothing?” he said.

Ben raised an eyebrow. “You're aware that those are the doors to my parents' private chambers, right?”

Poe leapt away from the door like it had shocked him. Shit! He'd been standing, lurking in front of the General's bedroom? “Hahahahahaha, whoops. Definitely didn't know that.” He shuffled his feet awkwardly. “That's, I'm just going to pretend that never happened.”

Ben Solo nodded. “Yes. Right. Fine. I'll just...go, then.” He turned and started to walk away, thumbing through the pages of his book.

“Wait!” Poe blurted, and the other boy stopped in his tracks. He made a vague gesture. “Don't you ever get bored around here?” The boy turned around and gave Poe a wicked grin.

“You have no idea,” he said, and Poe grinned back.  
***  
Poe Dameron at 16:

Poe pulled the hood of his burlap robe up over his face and hunched his shoulders, trying to blend in as he made his way through the camp of the sand people. Earlier that morning, he and Ben had liberated a shuttle and flown to Tattoine, Poe practically having to drag the other boy along. It couldn't be healthy to spend as much time alone as Ben did.

Of course, things had quickly gone to hell. Because that was just Poe's luck. They'd stopped in a rocky canyon to take a look at the engine, and the sand people had come out of nowhere and attacked, hitting Ben over the head and dragging him away into the rocks, leaving one of their people (?) to deal with Poe.

Luckily, Poe had always been a dab hand at hand to hand fighting. He managed to knock out the sand person, then stole its robe and headed after the group. Halfway to their village, Poe considered going back and simply asking for help from General Organa. He shook his head. They could still get out of this without getting into trouble, if they got back before anyone noticed they'd been gone. But if Poe had gone to one of the adults, it would have meant trouble for sure.

Just up ahead, someone was shouting. Poe ducked behind one of the rocky columns and peered around it, trying to get a good view. Two of the sand people stood facing each other, gesturing angrily, while one shouted at the other in another language. They appeared to be pointing at Ben, who lay completely still in the sand while another sand person scanned the horizon.

Well. This wasn't good at all. Poe took a step forward, knocking a few rocks down the slight incline before he'd noticed they were there.

The lead sand person turned towards him and shouted something, gesturing to Poe. Oh. Right. He was still wearing the robe. Poe walked as confidently as he could towards the leader, keeping his head down so they couldn't see under the cowl of the robe.

The leader pointed to Ben and then to Poe, saying something else. Poe nodded, trying to look like he understood, then went to stand next to the other boy. The three sand people congregated in the middle of the camp and held a whispered conference, then appeared to come to some agreement. They stood up straight and looked back at Poe, who waved.

The three nodded in unison at him, then headed out of the camp. Poe waited a good two minutes after they had gone to make sure they wouldn't come back suddenly, then threw back the cowl of the robe and knelt next to the other boy.

“Ben,” he said, voice urgent, but Ben's eyes had snapped open and he sat up quickly, nearly clunking their heads together. “You all right?” Poe asked.

“Oh, I'm fine. Great. Could have done without being hit over the head and then dragged here, but other than that I'm fine,” Ben snapped.

He winced. “Sorry.”

“Shut up,” Ben said, but there was no heat behind his words. “Now are we going before they come back, or are we just going to sit around and wait?”

Poe got to his feet, giving Ben a hand up. The other wobbled and paled considerably, an astonishing contrast to his dark hair. “Well, that's inconvenient,” he muttered, slinging an arm across Poe's shoulders. “Let's go.”

They went back to the speeder as quickly as they could manage, Ben eventually throwing Poe's arm down. “I'm fine,” he said, “and we'll make better time if you're not dragging me along.”

They finally reached the speeder, and Poe hopped on and tested the ignition. It roared to life for an impressive three seconds before sputtering out. Poe stared at it for a good long moment.

“Damn,” he said. Just as he said this, a crude wooden arrow flew over his left shoulder. Poe ducked, tumbling onto the ground.

“We've got company,” Ben called from the other side of the speeder. Poe scrabbled to his knees, pulling a wrench out of his tool belt. “The sand people are back.”

He gave the engine (which was, thankfully, mostly on the outside, it being an older model) a cursory inspection, brow furrowed. “Hold them off for a minute, would you?”

“With what?” Ben shouted, his voice cracking.

“I don't know, figure something out!” he returned. Poe started tightening bolts, taking a quick moment to peer over the top and see how Ben was doing.

The other boy was just sort of standing there, Poe noted with surprise, knees bent and hands outstretched. One of the sand people took a shot at him, but Ben whipped to face the arrow and it just stopped in midair.

What? Poe's mouth hung open, but there would be time to think about that later, he hoped. He got back to tightening bolts, lips pressed tightly together.

Ben glanced over the speeder to where Poe was busily trying to fix the engine, a dark scowl on his face. “I don't suppose there's any possibility you could speed things up a little bit? The sand people are kind of getting closer.”

Poe took the wrench out of his mouth. “Things would be helped along a lot if you had some explosives on you,” he said cheerfully, tightening a bolt.

“Why would I have explosives?”

He shrugged. “Why wouldn't you have explosives? I'd like to see a problem that couldn't be solved with explosives.”

Ben groaned and did the thing with the arrow again. He flung his hands downwards and the arrow shattered against the bare rock. “They're coming, hurry up.” He bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, then kicked at the sand. “Why did you have to pick Tattoine, anyway? There's nothing here.”

Poe shrugged again. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“So did going to Mos Eisley, and see where that got us.”

Poe laughed. “But you had fun, didn't you?”

“I should have stayed home. I should have stayed home and read my book and not decided to go out with you, you absolute lunatic.” Poe ignored him and kicked at the engine frustratedly. The engine roared to life, and Poe laughed delightedly.

“See?” he exclaimed. “Told you I could fix it.” Ben rolled his eyes, but hopped onto the speeder and let Poe lace his arms around his chest. Ben revved the engine and they raced away across the sand dunes. Poe let out a whoop of delight as Ben's dark hair flew back into his face.

“For the record, I blame you for this,” Ben commented dryly.  
***  
They sat on a bench outside the main conference room, looking through the glass doors as General Organa talked and Han Solo and Poe's aunt Iesha glared daggers at one another. Ben winced at the look on his father's face.

“Who talks first?” Poe asked, hands clasped and dark eyes fixed on Ben's face. “Do you talk first? Do I talk first?”

In the end, it didn't really matter which of them talked first. Poe got into trouble with his aunt, and Ben's parents yelled at both of them, and somehow the arrow-catching thing came out and then Ben wouldn't look at him and they were supposed to be in this together, weren't they, and if Poe got to leave the base by the end of the harvest, he'd count himself lucky.

But then two days later, Ben showed up outside his door, dressed in all black and looking down at his shoes. Han Solo stood a few meters away, pointedly not making eye contact with Poe.

“What's going on?” Poe asked eventually, leaning against the doorframe.

“I have to go train to be a Jedi with my uncle,” Ben said. “I leave today.”

Poe stood up straight. “You're going to be a Jedi? Ben, that's great.”

He shook his head and pressed his lips together. “I can't come back until I've finished.” Ben laughed bitterly. “Never stand out, Poe. Your parents find out you're not normal and they send you away because they can't deal with you.” Ben still hadn't met his eyes.

“Hey, no,” Poe said. “Screw them. You're going to be a great Jedi knight.” Ben looked up, eyes fixed on Poe's face. “You're going to do great, I promise. And you can always write me, you know?” He reached out and pulled the other boy in for a hug. Even though Ben was already a good four inches taller, he somehow managed to bury his face in Poe's shoulder, hands fisting in the back of his leather jacket like he was a lifeline, like Poe was the only thing holding him down. 

Han Solo cleared his throat awkwardly, and Ben pulled back, wiping at his eyes. “I'd better go,” he said apologetically.

That was the last Poe ever saw of Ben Solo.

He sent letters, of course, and Poe had a hell of a time trying to decode them the first few times. But after that, he quickly became more adept at cryptography. Poe trained as a pilot under Han Solo himself, and learned how to fly every ship in the fleet. They started hearing whispers of a new power in the galaxy, the First Order, and Poe knew it wouldn't be long before they made a move.

Ben continued to write every week, but there was something almost different about his letters. He sounded...colder. Like there was something bothering him that he wouldn't, or couldn't, tell Poe. It worried him. Ben wasn't a social person, and if he was all alone at Luke Skywalker's academy, it wouldn't be unlike the other boy to do something stupid, especially if someone else was whispering in his ear.

Poe didn't mention it to Han or General Organa. They had enough to worry about, and who was to say they would even listen to him? He was just a kid, wasn't he, not to mention he got the feeling that they didn't like him all that much.

Then things went belly up on a scouting mission. It was Poe's first proper mission for the Resistance (and at only 18 years old, his aunt Iesha would be so proud of him when he got back), and it should have been completely routine. No one needed to die. They'd been scouting out a planet in the Dagoba System, a swampy, miserable place that Poe couldn't imagine anyone living on voluntarily.

He and another young pilot, who the guys all called Bunt, had done a cursory pass of the planet and were preparing to land. And Poe only found this out later, but there was a massive storm going on the surface of the planet, with strong winds and heavy rainfall. They'd been cruising close to the surface when Bunt's plane got sucked down by heavy turbulence.

He didn't pull up in time.

Poe did.

When he got back to the Resistance base, he scared the hell out of some the other guys. They'd apparently all thought both he and Bunt had died in the crash, even General Organa. But Poe shrugged it off and went back to work. There were things to be done, after all, and the Resistance couldn't stop because he might have died.

It was two weeks later he noticed that he hadn't gotten another letter from Ben.  
***  
Poe Dameron at 26:

Coming to Jakku had been a mistake. Surely the old man could have gotten the flash drive with the information he needed off the planet by himself. How had the First Order even known he was going to be here? Furthermore, why would anyone want to live on Jakku in the first place? The planet was almost completely barren. The only people who could make a living here were scavengers.

Poe watched as BB-8 rolled away across the sand, then turned back to the battle. The villagers were going to get slaughtered if he didn't do something, and fast.

Dust spiraled upwards as another ship landed on Jakku, the hatch door coming down. A tall figure stalked down the ramp. A mask covered its face, and a dark cloak swirled around its legs. Poe's mouth hung open. He was in deep shit. The First Order had brought one of the Knights of Ren with them? And not just one of them, they'd brought the leader. ( _Kylo Ren_ , the whispers had named him. Poe had heard stories back on the Resistance base. Stories that called Kylo Ren some kind of demon that had power unheard of in the galaxy.) He was in _such deep shit._

Then Poe frowned. That walk was unnervingly familiar. Where had he seen that walk before? He thought back to his teen years, to memories he'd thought were long buried. Dark hair and a pale face. A tall, almost gangly figure. Long fingers. The way Kylo Ren crouched just a bit before striking, how quickly he moved. The same style someone else had favored.

_Ben._

What? No. That wasn't possible. Luke Skywalker's academy had been attacked eight years ago by the First Order. There had been no survivors. He knew this. Poe had spent six months talking to a counselor and picturing Ben as some radiant light being. Ben Solo was dead.

And yet...

But Poe didn't have any more time to think about that, as a pair of stormtroopers hauled him forward and threw him to his knees before the tall figure. It crouched so it was on the same level as Poe and tilted its head. Poe couldn't see its eyes through the thin slit of the helmet, which was more unnerving than he preferred to admit. He imagined the other man to be squinting through the slit, trying to place his face.

“Who talks first? Do you talk first? Do I talk first?” he asked, unable to resist using the same phrasing he used the one of the last times he'd seen Ben. It could still be him, and alive and on the wrong side was better than dead any day.

Kylo Ren froze, and Poe knew he had him. He allowed himself a smirk and another quip. “Sorry, it's just kind of hard to understand you through the, uh,” he made a vague gesture meant to signify the helmet. And honestly, what kind of stupid helmet was that? It looked like a bucket, like at some point the man had gotten a bucket stuck on his head and was now trying to pass it off as a legitimate accessory.

This was so stupid. This was so incredibly stupid, antagonizing one of the most powerful men in the galaxy. Poe knew that logically, he should be terrified. Especially given the fact that he was being taken prisoner on an enemy ship, with no idea where BB-8 was or what was about to happen to him. But as the stormtroopers dragged him up the ramp and into the ship, he couldn't hold back a grin. Ben Solo was alive. And he remembered him.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N- So some background on this might be sort of nice. This whole thing is based off this conversation I had with worldsgreatestnerd on tumblr about how Poe Dameron and Ben Solo might have known each other as children. I don't actually know their ages at the time of TFA, so I made my best guess and worked from there.
> 
> This is the first part in series, which will hopefully become this exhaustive thing about how Ben Solo deserved better. Because really. He did.
> 
> Oh, yeah. And could be slash if you squint. And you should totally be squinting. It's just kind of hard for them to be romancing each other when one of them is kind of evil (?) and the other has like 10 minutes of screentime in the whole film.
> 
> Also: title from I Know Him from Hamilton, which is completely unrelated but kid of makes sense in contact.


End file.
